I tried, really tried to be optimistic today, but I couldn't manage it. The news I received Wednesday evening caught up with me during my visit today with Dr. Meric and Dr. Grubbs (Dr. Meric's fellow). When they entered my exam room and as they started explaining what was coming next for me, I struggled to catch my breath, felt tears spilling from my eyes and heard myself say, "I'm so scared I'm going to die from this."